The One You Feed

This short story is from bmindful.com

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

“Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied,

“The one you feed.”

Vote (uncensored)

Check out this video. Good message and pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtHwWReGU0

Paranoia is not just a Harvey Danger song. . .

I hate that I allow comments by others to send me into a downward spiral. I have been working very hard over the last two weeks to make sure I am at work every day and to do a better job. My boss called me into his office and said that he had noticed the improvement and for me to keep it up. I did not take it as a compliment. I took it as, "there has been improvement, but it is still not good enough." Was that what he intended, or did I turn something negative that was meant as a positive? Either way, I can't be so dependent on the approval of others for my self esteem. I need to believe in myself and know that I am going a good job and let that be enough.

I'm Afraid of Drawing, Too?

I'm taking a beginning drawing class this semester. I love to draw, but I've never had any kind of training. Monday was my first class and to my horror, the professor asked us to do a drawing of three vases he had set on a table (no, the picture to the left is not mine). My drawing style has always been crazy shapes or patterns - abstract stuff. For the first time, I was being asked to draw something realistically. I was terrified. I just new that my attempt was going to be horrible and that I would be the only one who didn't know what he was doing. The professor would probably look at my work and shake his head and tell me that I didn't belong in his class. My dreams of being an artist would be dashed and I'd be forever banned from any of the local art galleries and museums. What really happened was that I managed to sketch the vases and they didn't look half bad for a beginner. There were some really good artists in the class (what are they doing in Drawing I?), but there were some other beginners who were struggling as much as me. When my drawing was completed, I felt much better until I read the syllabus. Over the course of the semester, we will have several projects to work on and the one that jumped off of the page at me was that we will be required to draw a portrait of someone we know. A portrait? Of someone I know? I'm going to have to draw a face? A real face? This should be interesting. . .

School Worries

The last time I attended a college class was probably about ten years ago. Back then, you bought your book, went to the lectures (sometimes) and took notes and you were good. Now that I am in school again, I can see that things have really changed. For my Spanish class, not only am I responsible for the lecture material and the book, but the book came with a CD ROM and there is also a website for the book that has assignments as well. Then there is another website called "Tell Me More" that has more projects and assignments. When I decided to go back to school, I knew that there would be a lot of homework, but this is serious anxiety territory. I need to make sure I stay on top of it because if I get too far behind, I'll get overwhelmed and that's when depression comes in. If that happens, I go into a tailspin of doom and give up on everything and go to bed for a few weeks. I'm not going to let that happen.

Greasing the Sociability Wheels

I've had too much to drink this weekend. Friday night was my six pack of Dead Guy Ale. Saturday was a BBQ with some people from work and Coronas. Today was another BBQ at a friends house and Corona Lights. Before both, I told myself that I was not going to drink, but I ended up having a few at each. It's too easy to fall back on alcohol when I've got some social anxiety working. It really does grease the wheels and make it easier for me to interact socially. The problem is, I always feel like crap afterward. I don't drink much. I think I had three beers each night, so I'm not overdoing it. The alcohol must not go well with my medication, because not only do I have increased anxiety after I drink, I always feel crappy the next day. I want to be able to face social situations and overcome my fears, not depend on alcohol as a crutch, but it is always so available, I don't know how to say "no".

Crazy Boards

You have got to check out the anxiety/panic/depression forums on the web. They are a great sourse of information and encouragement. It really helps put things in perspective to read about other people's problems. Regardless of what you are going through, there is probably someone going through something worse. There is something very powerful about being able to say, "At least I'm not as screwed up as that guy." If you are one of the mentally blessed who does not suffer from any of the brain afflictions, check out the forums anyway. Get educated. Don't be ignernt.
I highly recommend crazyboards.org. This forum has a slightly irreverent and . . . well. . .crazy feel to it. Check it out. Good times.
Other good forums: Anxiety Forum; Anxiety Zone