I’m Scared of the Fab

I work at a manufacturing plant. We call the manufacturing floor the “Fab” (short for fabrication) and I’m scared of it. There is nothing inherently scary about the Fab itself. There are machines that do the manufacturing and the people operating the machines and the technicians fixing other machines and Engineers telling the technicians what to do. It is pretty loud in there, but that’s not why I’m scared. When it is time for me to go up on the floor, the anxiety and panic come crawling in. I think it is because I feel safe downstairs all tucked away in my cubicle. Nobody bothers me there. I don’t have to talk to anyone or look at them or have them look at me or talk to me. I can just work at my desk or stare off into space or work on my TPS reports and nothing uncomfortable or scary happens. But in the Fab, there are no cubicles to hide in. I have to talk to people. People can see what I’m doing. Maybe they’re watching me. Maybe they are watching me and thinking about how stupid I am. Maybe I’ll do something stupid in front of everyone. Maybe someone will ask me a question that I don’t know the answer to and I’ll look stupid. Maybe one of the machines will come to life and chase me down the street. Maybe the world will end as I’m on my way up to the Fab. That would be awesome!

I had a meeting with my manager on Monday to discuss how I’m doing with my anxiety and goals and such. One of the things that came up is the amount of time I spend in the Fab. He wants me to spend at least a couple of hours a day in the Fab, so that is something I’m working on. On Monday . . . Well, Monday was the day we had the meeting, so it doesn’t really count.

Hours spent in the Fab on Monday: 0

Then Tuesday. . . . The thing is on Tuesday I had a mandatory class at work that was three hours long. I mean, that took a big chunk of my day. It might be hard to find time to get in the Fab if you have a three hour class.

Hours spent in the Fab on Tuesday: 0

Today is Wednesday. Today was going to be the day. I decided that I would go into the Fab from 10:00 until noon – a good solid two hours.

At 10:00 this morning, I was supposed to be headed to the Fab.
At 10:00 this morning, I was headed out the front door to the parking lot.
I needed to run to the store for some tea.

Hours spent in the Fab on Wednesday: 0

Hey, I couldn’t very well go without my tea. Oh, and I should confess that with the tea, I also purchased two bottles of Diet Coke. Damn!

At about 9:30, when I was really thinking seriously about going to the Fab, I started to have pains in my stomach. I’m telling you that my stomach really hurt. I did have some stomach issues last week, but they seemed better over the weekend. The fact that I started having them again makes me wonder if it is caused by the Fab Fear. Great! New symptoms to go with my anxiety. All right! Good times