It's Not So Funny Now. . .

Sometimes I like to draw when I'm feeling anxious. It helps take my mind off things and I get lost in what I'm doing. This is a self portrait I did on a particularly bad day.
I find that it's easy to write about my anxiety and fear over the weekend when work seems far away. But now it's Sunday night and the anxiety is starting to get intense. It's much more difficult to write about the fear when I want to ignore it and hide from it. I would run from it, but there is nowhere to go. It's everywhere I go. I have a form of agoraphobia called employagoraphobia. I'm only afraid to go outside when I'm going to work.
I have this almost phobic reaction to work because of things that have happened in the past, not things I'm afraid might happen. Past troubles, perceived failures, and past panic attacks haunt me. Things are better at work now. I am on the day shift and my manager has been supportive through my anxiety and panic issues. There is nothing to be afraid of, but still I'm afraid.