The Voices In My Head

"Rob misses work all the time. He's a jerk."
"What does Rob do all day? He's useless."
"I'm surprised he hasn't been fired by now."
Part of my anxiety disorder is that I irrationally think that people around me judge me and think badly of me. There is no evidence that people at work have negative feelings toward me. I actually get along pretty good with everyone I work with. I guess it is like paranoia. This is one way that anxiety feeds itself. I feel like people don't like me, so I withdraw and keep to myself. This causes people to perceive me as "standoffish" or they figure that I want to be left alone. I sense that they are keeping their distance and I interpret that as rejection which makes me feel that they don't like me, so I keep my distance from them, so they keep their distance from me and on and on and on. The best way I have found to overcome this is to force myself to engage with people around me, even in the smallest ways. Saying "hello" to people I pass in the hallway or "good morning" to people when I get to work can be big victories. When I have made the attempt to say hello or engage in conversation, I always get a positive response from the other person and it always makes me feel great! But it is a battle, because the next day or even the next minute, the irrational fear creeps in to tell me that these people don't like me. But over time, if I push myself to reach out to people, the fear will be less and less. At least that is what my shrink tells me. And that is what I hope for.